My Experience Dating A Chinese Family

(Part 1)

In a few short months, I will be getting married to my best friend Lissa. Five years ago when we first started dating, I only knew that I was getting into a relationship with a girl of Chinese descent. It took roughly 6 months to a year, basically the end of the “honeymoon phase” to understand some of the ins and outs of Lissa’s culture, family, and their traditional values. At this time is when I realized I was not dating just a Chinese girl but I was, in fact, dating a Chinese family.

Let me digress for a short moment and explain how I came to this realization. Traditionally, outside of Western culture, most family structures are made up of a Joint Family system. This system generally has numerous generations or dependents in the same family living under the same roof or same neighborhood. Influence and responsibility for the family are derived from the elders, (ie, grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles), down to the younger family members. This system of family differs from what myself and a general population of western culture adapted to which is a Nuclear Family. A Nuclear family is much smaller and consists of just parents and children in the household. The responsibility to teach and raise the children is solely on the parents.

Looking from the outside in, I can see the benefits of a Joint Family system; greater bonds, close proximity, tighter family values to name a few. Not to say these things aren’t prevalent in Western culture, but from my experience, they are not as great as what I have recently become a part of. Becoming part of this family was hard and I still struggle, at times, accepting how most decisions or actions are a family discussion rather than an individual’s call ,this makes decisions like buying a new car or couch a lot more complex than simply going to the store, finding one you like, and taking it home. The frequency of family gatherings also took me by surprise. I see my parents every few weeks, my grandparents were once a year, and my cousins maybe every few years, this is what I grew up with and considered the norm. It is no surprise that I was shocked to be having dinner once a week, lunch on the weekend, and one large family gathering seeming to happen every month. Five years into this relationship and I’m still adjusting. Family is a huge part of life and it plays a big key in our relationship.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of My Experience Dating A Traditional Chinese Family…….